The Notepad

“Hey baby what’s going on?”

“Daddy, sometimes I don’t feel special and I feel alone.”

“Well, honey lets go talk to mommy. Genesis share with mommy what you said to daddy baby.”

“Mommy sometimes I don’t feel special and I feel all alone.”

“Genesis what can we do to help you feel special and loved honey?”

“Well, I think a laser tag party..”

Dad then whispers to mom…”How about a mommy-daughter date to Costco?

“Genesis, how about you and me have a mommy-daughter date to Costco would that help you feel special?”

SQUEAL, SQUEAL, smile and a big hug………SUCCESS

Lord, we lift up Genesis and ask you to encourage her today, protect her heart and help her to only listen to your truths. Let all the lies the enemy has told her in the past, present or future take no root but only your truth remain. God, you alone define who she is and who you created her to be. God protect her mind fill her with your Holy Spirit and let her be an encouragement to others and everyone she meets. Heal her heart in Jesus name we pray, amen.

“Mom, can I please take this notepad and pencil with us to Costco?”

“Yeah, sure that’s fine baby.” “Hey, here’s a new ring mommy wanted to give you.”

“Thank you so much, you’re the best Mommy ever.”

“Thank you, Genesis now let’s get in the truck and get going.”

“I love you Daddy…wait, wait, Daddy,  I want to draw you a picture first.”

20170613_143759

 

And we’re off….

“Mom, what does “relationship” with God mean?”

“That’s a great question babe. It means spending time together with God by praying and reading His word. Listening and sharing your thoughts and feelings with God and asking Him what He thinks about what you do.  Asking God for forgiveness when we sin against Him. It means friendship and commitment, and honesty even when it’s hard.”

“Mom, I have done all those things except one. I haven’t asked God for forgiveness for sinning against Him.”

“Would you like to do that now babe?”

“Yes, Mom I want to do that now.”

“Okay, let’s pray. Lord, please forgive us for sinning against you, convict our hearts when we do and help us to turn away from our sins. Thank you in Jesus name we pray amen.”

“Good job Genesis I’m so proud of you. Are you ready to go inside to Costco?”

“Yep, and I have my notepad and pencil.”

We arrive at the return counter and are greeted by two men counting down the cash register. “It will be just a minute ma’am.”

“Mom, I’m going to draw a picture for that man and tell him God loves him okay?”

I hesitated and almost told her no. I thought to myself, maybe she shouldn’t write the note at all. Then, I thought well maybe she should just find a lady to give it to instead. At the end of my racing thoughts, I decided to say yes that’s fine.

“Excuse me, sir, she said.” I drew this picture for you and I just want to tell you that God loves you.”

I watched this grown man’s face change literally he was flustered and could hardly hold himself together. He smiled a genuine smile at her and said, “Thank you so much for telling me that.” “God loves you too.”

A lady came up to help us at the register and Genesis drew another picture of two hearts and handed it to the cashier. “Here I drew this for you, God thinks you’re beautiful.”

She gasped and said, “Thank you so much that was so nice, thank you.” Then the man who received the first note peeked over at the cashier’s note and said, “She gave me one first and mine has three hearts.”

They both were moved and very emotional and thanked her several times before we left to continue our shopping.

We hugged and I told her, “I’m so proud of you babe good job.”

“Mom, do you think I encouraged them?” she said.

“Yes, Genesis no doubt you encouraged them today.”

“Mom, I am going to draw more pictures on this notepad and encourage people in this store.” I’m going to show them the love of Jesus.”

“Okay, honey, that’s fine.”

As we made our way through the store she would draw pictures of hearts and crosses and hand them to men and women young and old. She would tell them God loves you, you’re beautiful, and you’re a good mother.” Each time the reactions were incredible. I watched people’s faces light up and smile wide. They were overwhelmed by the love of God witnessed through an innocent child. She was so courageous and heartfelt in how she looked into each one of their eyes with a piercing conviction of how God feels about each one of them. Many were moved to tears. One lady said that had made her day. She went to the Pharmacy Technician and moved her to tears. She went to the bakery and even crossed the forbidden red line… she gave one to the meat guy. After each meeting, I would say how proud of her I was and tell her good job Genesis.

she continued on…

There was a Mother in the checkout line as we passed by. She was stressed out. She was pregnant, had a toddler in the front seat of the cart, a baby in a front pack and an older child in the cart. Genesis approached her and gently said, “Excuse me I drew this picture for you and I just want to tell you that God loves you and you’re a good Mom.” The woman looked like she had just seen a ghost. She was overwhelmed and moved to tears. She smiled at Genesis and said, “Thank you so much sweetheart for saying that.”

We go up another row and we pass a Grandmother with what looks like her two teenage granddaughters. The teenagers were arguing and one told the other to shut up. Just then the Grandmother noticed Genesis and scolded her granddaughters for their language. We made it almost to the end of the row and Genesis said, “Mom, they were having a hard time I heard what they said so I want to give one to the Grandma.” She approached the Grandmother who was still scolding her granddaughters. “Excuse me, Excuse me,” she said. The woman couldn’t hear her. Genesis then tugged on her shirt, “Excuse me,” she said again. The woman turned around and Genesis said here I drew this for you because you are having a hard time today, God loves you.” The Grandmother was smiling telling Genesis she was beautiful and thanking her. The most amazing thing was the two teenagers response, both simultaneously whimpered and whined like seeing a puppy for the first time….” she is soo cute.”

We approached two men around the seafood display engaged in what seemed to be a very serious conversation. Genesis walked up and tried to get their attention but neither could see hear let alone hear her above their own voices. She improvised and moved in between them both. These men towered over her she looked up at them and said, “Excuse me, sir,” to one of the men. I drew this for you and I want you to know God loves you.” Both men were grinning from ear to ear and laughed. The man thanked her. The men were totally taken back. She approached me with a sad look. “Mom they laughed at me.” “Why did they laugh at me?” she asked.

I explained they were happy and surprised and it was a good laugh. She understood and immediately was onto the next person to encourage.

“Mom, I’m going to give one to that Grandpa right there okay?” She approached him and said I drew this for you and I want to tell you God loves you.” Thank you so much, young lady,” he said. After each rip of paper she was more and more encouraged throughout the store it was amazing to see God use her to encourage so many hurting people by a simple notepad and a few kind words.

After each rip of paper she was more and more encouraged throughout the store it was amazing to see God use her to encourage so many hurting people by a simple notepad and a few kind words.

As we turned down another aisle a woman was intently looking at Genesis. “Mom, I’m going to give one to this Grandma okay?”

“Yes, that’s fine honey go ahead.”

“Excuse me, Ma’am, I drew this for you, God loves you and you’re beautiful.”

“Thank you, thank you so much you gave one of these notes to my husband and I wanted one too I was hoping you would give me one. Thank you for giving me one,” she said smiling wildly at Genesis.

We had almost made our way through the entire store and I’m guessing she gave out at least 30 or more drawings to people. Then Genesis said, “Wait, Mom, I have one more to give out.”

“Mom, I’m going to give it to him okay?” I had an uneasy feeling about this man but I said okay go ahead.”

Genesis approached him just like all the others…excuse me, sir, I drew this picture for you as she held out her hand to give it to him she said God loves you. He looked at her with the most anger filled eyes, and shook his head and said,”NO.”

I watched as our baby girl moments earlier so full of courage, joy, and excitement stand there with her little hand outstretched fight back her tears. She was heartbroken and I was angry. Instead of cowering in defeat she stared into this man’s hard heart and didn’t move a muscle. She stayed right there with her little hand outstretched and refused to take, “NO” for an answer. He quickly swiped it out of her hand and she sheepishly walked back to me very discouraged.

“Mom, he said no, he did take it but he said no. Why Mom, why?”

“Genesis you did what you were supposed to do and that man needed it more than anybody else in this store, good job baby. He needed to hear God loves him. I’m sorry he hurt your heart, but you planted a seed, right?”

My heart was broken as we made our way to the front of the store. I kept speaking the truth to her but she was discouraged and couldn’t see the good that had come and only could remember the last rejection.

I glanced up to see a beautiful black woman that reminded me exactly of Karen Abercrombie from the movie the War Room. She walked by and then circled back and stopped in front of Genesis. She started talking to her but as if speaking above her. “Oh, girl, some girl is wearing these beautiful white pearls on this necklace and look at these earrings ooh too much beauty for one day.” She went on and on and Genesis and I both were totally overwhelmed. Genesis was smiling from ear to ear I was about to cry my eyes out. She went to leave and I said, “Excuse me, thank you so much, for encouraging my daughter she desperately needed it right now.” She turned to leave and without looking back at us said, “Only speaking the truth Ma’am.”

I looked at Genesis she looked at me and we both said, “That was an angel.” I had the chills all over my body; I was losing my mind.

I was blown away at the awesomeness of God. Of course, He wasn’t going to let our brave baby girl who had just shared His love with so many people be allowed to be defeated on the last note she drew. God had her and He had this totally under His control. I was in awe of God. We made our way to the checkout and it was if we were both floating. We were encouraged and bubbling over I felt like I was going to burst. We get to the checker and she asks how we’re doing. I couldn’t resist bragging about what Genesis had done throughout the store. I shared how she handed out her notes to so many people and was encouraging so many only to be discouraged at the end. Then I shared how the lady appeared out of nowhere only to encourage us both. The cashier was freaking out saying you did that as she peeked over to see Genesis. She said, “Your momma is blessed to have you as a daughter.”

Then, Genesis took her ring I had just given her that morning off her finger and hands it to the cashier and says, “This is for you, God loves you.” The cashier started tearing up and said, “You are an angel.” “Tonight when I pray to God I am going to think of you.”

She slipped the ring on her finger, and it was a perfect fit.

Then the lady in line right behind us started telling the cashier that Genesis gave her a picture too and it was so encouraging to her.

It was like an out of body experience. I was so full of joy and love I wanted to scream. We made it to the car and the Holy Spirit reminded me of the prayer my husband and I had prayed over Genesis earlier. We had asked God to encourage her and for her to be an encouragement to everyone she meets. When we arrived home we shared with my husband what had happened and then we both asked Genesis, “Do you feel special?”

“Ohh yes, oh yes, I feel really special today,” she said, grinning from ear to ear. Then she said something that shocked us. She looked at us both and said, “Adventure number one.”

Then matter of factly she looked at us both and said, “Adventure number one.”

 

God, you are awesome and your love is amazing. Lord help us to love those around us like that of a child, with no limits, filled with courage and boldness.

Thank you, Jesus, for children what a gift.

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3 NLT

 

 

 

 

 

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Your will be done

Matthew 6:9-15 NIV says:

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.”

 

One morning not long ago, “Thy will be done,” painfully escaped my lips, as I sang along to a song on the radio. It brought me to tears as I started to think about the words I was singing to my Father in Heaven.

My mind started racing with questions I couldn’t answer, like….

Do I really mean His will be done?

Do I know what His will means?

Do I still mean His will be done when its hard and I don’t understand His plan?

What about if it means losing everything?

What if His good and pleasing will means complete abandon of my own thoughts about my life and what it should look like?

What if His will means a life of real faith in Jesus trusting Him for everything?

What if I sang His praise no matter what?

What if the abundant life of peace, joy, and patience could really be evident in my life everyday even when my circumstances haven’t changed.

 

I hope by sharing my struggles with these hard questions you will be encouraged and strengthened in your faith.

When we say His will be done do we mean it? Well I think first we need to ask ourselves do we know what it means then and only then we can answer if we mean it when we say it.

So, what does His will mean? in John 7:16-18 it says: Jesus answered, “My teaching is not my own. It comes from him who sent me. If anyone chooses to do God’s will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own. He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself , but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.

I have tried many attempts to change the outward appearance of myself or of a current circumstance to no avail. Only to find out later it was all part of God’s perfect will. What does this mean?

 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says this: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

By receiving Jesus Christ as our Savior we are saying we accept His will for our lives. We give Him the control to do what is best for us even when we think we know better. This is a process and we can choose to kick and scream and dig our heals into the ground every step of the way.

What does that mean?

It means when we are broken, hurt, and lost we look up instead of trying to change things we have no control over. We do what we can and that is it, we leave the rest up to God. We stop worrying, fretting and we start trusting God’s perfect and pleasing will for our lives.

How do we trust God when we don’t have a job, we have no income, our rent is due, Christmas is coming and we have no way of providing a Christmas for our children? What do we do?

Pray without ceasing, and give thanks before your circumstances change.

Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV) says:

 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

 Offer up your concerns to God tell him your distressed, and full of sorrow, but speak the truths of who God is and what He has done in your life.

Psalm 116 (NIV) says:

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
 Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

 The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    Lord, save me!”

 The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

 Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
 that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

 I trusted in the Lord when I said,
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
 in my alarm I said,
    “Everyone is a liar.”

 What shall I return to the Lord
    for all his goodness to me?

 I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord.
 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.

 Precious in the sight of the Lord
    is the death of his faithful servants.
 Truly I am your servant, Lord;
    I serve you just as my mother did;
    you have freed me from my chains.

 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
    and call on the name of the Lord.
 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the Lord
    in your midst, Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord.[a]

That family I described earlier that had no job, no income, their rent was due, Christmas was coming and they had no way of providing for their children, that family is our family just last month. We had been unemployed for 14 months and applied for literally hundreds of jobs full time, part time, seasonal we tried everything. We had several interviews that went great with promised employment only to be turned down later. Nothing made any sense our faith was strong in the beginning knowing it was just a matter of time and we would get a job. But when months kept going by and finances diminished it was hard to keep trusting. I started to grow angry and cynical. Watching my husband do everything he could do in his power and still nothing it was so discouraging. Having others doubt we were really trying hard enough was defeating. Still others said, “They couldn’t help us because God was teaching us a lesson.” Some gave but with expectations and false motives only to leave me feeling angry and hurt that we accepted any gift in the first place. This isn’t the only time we have been in a place of need but one thing remains constant every time. My husband was without employment because he put his family first, he refused to lie, cheat or steal to get a sale. He refused to place his job above his relationship with Jesus, his wife and children. As I would share our situation with people several things would happen. The women would say things like, “I wish my husband would put us first” or “I wish my husband had integrity to stand up for what he believed in.” Yet our circumstances didn’t change. We kept praying and praying and crying. We read our word reached out to others to share our burdens and nothing seemed to be changing.

Then suddenly…literally Santa Claus showed up at our doorstep with bags full of gifts. He came in and chatted it up with our kids and told them if they didn’t listen to mom and day their presents would disappear (Thanks Santa love that!)

Many friends blessed us financially and we were able to pay our rent and our utilities. My husband got a job and started in  January. We had huge things happen suddenly but yet some of our circumstances remain somewhat the same. It takes awhile to catch up after having no income for so long but were thankful for his new job and for friends that have loved us like family. All this to say, Thy will be done Lord, its always better than we can imagine or hope for. Thank you Jesus for all that your doing behind the scenes before we become aware.

 

The Perfect Pumpkin

pumpkin-book-2October is here, time for pants, vests and hot chocolate. Pumpkins, pumpkins and more pumpkins and the countdown to Thanksgiving. Are you excited? I am, I love this time of year.

Here’s my newest book just in time for Harvest and Thanksgiving. It’s about a Mother and her daughter at a pumpkin patch. They are searching for the perfect pumpkin and in the process learn a valuable lesson. They learn together how everyone is created unique and how to embrace and encourage those differences. It is a heartwarming story with beautiful illustrations. Please take a look and share it with others.

 

Blessings,

Teandra

https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Pumpkin-Teandra-Knapp/dp/1539013626/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1477364495&sr=8-9&keywords=the+perfect+pumpkin

Check this out

Hello haven’t been on here for awhile. I have been busy writing several books. Here’s my first book called, “Potty Training fun, sing your ABC’s be done” you can purchase the book on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Teandra-J-Knapp/e/B01LYS2ZZ6/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

This book is about my son’s adventures in Potty Training. Please read it and share it with others. I hope it helps take the stress out of potty training and makes the bathroom time fun. Let me know your thoughts.

Blessings, Teandra

Sick woman

Luke 8:42-48 (NIV) says this: As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” 

I believe it was around 2010, we were attending a church called Mountain View Assembly of God church in East Wenatchee. During that time I had been experiencing some health problems. I had been bleeding for about a year and a half and the Doctors couldn’t figure out why. I had undergone every test to find out the origin of my bleeding and still no answers. I was discouraged and depressed.

One weekend a couple of self-described “ordinary people” by the names of Darrell and Sherri Beebe of 2bforgivingministries.com came to speak at our church. They shared their powerful story of love, forgiveness and healing through Jesus Christ. If you haven’t heard their story please check it out your guaranteed to need a box of tissues. There website is http://www.2b4giving.com and their contact for speaking engagements please email them at dlbeebeministries@gmail.com . Also on their website under the promo tab you can check out two articles published about their journey called “Terror in Paradise” and “Return to Palua.”

After they shared their story the Pastor shared the couple would be back that night to share more and pray for people. I remember my husband telling me I should go. So, after much thought at the last minute I decided to go and I hurried out the house and arrived just in time for them to speak.

I don’t think there was a dry eye in the entire church. I remember feeling overcome with so many emotions. They shared their story in such a gripping way that I felt like I was there right in the middle of their pain. They closed their story with prayer and then invited anyone to come up to speak with them and be prayed over. I was desperate for healing so I went up. I remember walking up to Sherri and she asked me to place my hands out in front of me palms up, and so I did. She gently placed her hands over mine and she began to recite this verse.

Luke 8:42-44 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

At that moment I was overcome with emotion and I began to cry uncontrollably. In between sobs I would hear bits and pieces of scripture she was reciting. My mind was racing. “How did she know?” “How could she have possibly known?” I remember sobbing so hard I couldn’t even hear her voice anymore. I know she prayed over me for some time and upon her finishing she said, “I believe your faith has healed you.”

I felt healed but could I be? I doubted it I had went to several Doctors and no healing. I had been prayed with prayed over and prayed for more times than I could count and still no healing. But there was a small seed of faith deep within me that wondered…maybe it could happen.

I left the church and drove home all the while wondering could I be healed? I couldn’t wait to get home and check, if you know what I mean. So when I got home I raced to the bathroom. I was horrified to find that in my rush out the door earlier I had neglected to put a pad on. How could I have forgotten that I had been bleeding for a year and a half this was a daily occurrence. But wait…there was no blood. WHAT?

Yes you read correctly there was no blood. I had in fact been healed that night by Jesus. To this day it makes no sense to me and this side of heaven it probably never will. There is only one explanation and that is, I was miraculously healed in Jesus name.

I had forgotten this altogether until yesterday morning. Luis and I were reading the bible together and we were reading in Luke 8. When we got to the part about the woman bleeding the Holy Spirit reminded me of my healing that Sunday night years ago. I started to share it with Luis again and I was encouraged and filled up with feelings thankfulness for God’s healing.

We went on about our day and the Lord pressed upon my heart to reach out to Sherri and encourage her that she does in fact hear from the Lord and to continue in what God has called them too. I thought to myself, “I don’t even know how to get ahold of them.” But, I decided to try. So I googled their names and found their ministry and I was able to find their phone number. I called and left a voicemail and that was it. I didn’t think I would ever hear from her but low and behold she called me shortly thereafter and I was able to share the story of healing with her. She thanked me for the encouragement and for my obedience to the Lord. She shared they have suffered a tremendous loss of a loved one last year and haven’t had many opportunities open for them in the Ministry. We prayed together and then we hung up.

I share all this with you for several reasons. None of which are more or less important than the others. Do you need healing? Do you need a miracle? God is capable and willing and He has an endless supply of Power and Healing ready at any moments notice. Do you wonder if you really heard from God to call that person? Call them and find out, that person may need to hear that encouraging word the Lord has asked you to share. Lastly these missionaries are part of the body of Christ and they are hurting, will you pray for them? Would you consider passing this blog on to your church to see if possibly they could come and share at your church? Or even asking your Pastor personally if the Beebe’s could come and share their amazing story of love, forgiveness and healing at your church.

 

Matthew 19:26 (NIV) says: Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 

 

Do you want to be healed?

John 5:1-8 (NIV) Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. [4] [b] One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

If you look at the above passage we see there was a man who had been disabled, blind, lame and paralyzed for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and learned he had been in the condition for a long time, Jesus asks the man, “Do you want to get well?”

Seems like a ridiculous question to me, of course he wants to get healed, right? But the mans response is not yes, instead his response is excuses. The man responds to Jesus by giving excuses and says, “I have no one to help me into the pool, while I am trying to get in someone goes ahead of me.” It’s as if Jesus ignores his excuses and gets right to the heart of the matter. Jesus replies, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

When I read this I think man it sounds harsh, but the truth is we will never experience healing in any area of our lives if we continue to make excuses for why we can’t be healed. When Jesus is asking us if we want to be healed its because He CAN heal us, He has the power to heal us. The question is do we want to be healed? Are we are willing to be healed?

 

Have you ever experienced excruciating pain before? The kind of pain that is unbearable, it takes your breathe away and you can’t walk or even talk? The pain that renders you helpless and leaves you at the mercy of those around you. The kind of pain that in the moment you think about how you would do “anything” to make it go away.

Can you imagine how it would feel if in the middle of your pain you were asked, “Do you want to be healed?” How would you feel if someone said those words to you?

I have battled with kidney stones for over 9 years. I have had over 18 surgeries and still the Doctor’s are at a loss as to why my body makes stones at such a rapid rate. They have done every test you can imagine and still nothing makes any sense. I have tried medication to no avail. I have taken things out of my diet and I have added other things to my diet and still nothing changes and the stones keep coming. My body makes them so fast that at one point I had surgery and by the time I came back for my post-op appointment my body had already produced another stone.

The pain is so severe sometimes its as if I am literally paralyzed and I can’t move, sometimes I can’t even speak. You may have heard its worse than child birth and I agree. Years ago I may have even said, “Nothing is worse than kidney stone pain.” But today I disagree.

Over the past several months my kidney pain has returned and I am in unbearable pain at times, but during these past months I have been going through something more painful than my dreaded stones. You say, “What could be more painful than that?”

TRUST…..

God has been healing me from my past and is teaching me to trust Him and other people. The pain is unbearable at times and leaves me paralyzed with fear and moments I am even unable to speak. The emotions of past scars are resurfacing and I would rather experience physical pain then to endure this healing process.

In my past many people close to me would earn my trust little by little then slowly and patiently wait to violate my trust. Then they would be angry with me or threaten me if I told or if I refused their demands. Little did I know their intentions from the very beginning were to harm me and bring me pain. In my past, this happened over and over, time and time again.

I learned over the years to trust nobody, not even God because in my mind everyone was just another perpetrator waiting to gain my trust only to hurt me in the end. So, when someone was nice to me in anyway one of two things would happen. One thing is I would throw myself into the situation and abandon all common sense and safety, which would cause me to end up in a more abusive situation causing more harm and pain. The other thing I would do is I would destroy the relationship thinking I was protecting myself from the inevitable I would get them before they could hurt me. But what I couldn’t see is that in either situation I was still being hurt. I never learned how to trust others or how to communicate. I had put walls up to protect and guard myself against any real or perceived threat and I was in essence self destructing from the inside out surrounded by a fortress of walls no one could penetrate.

God has revealed this and is helping me to deal with this pain. First He is showing me how He is trustworthy. God is showing me His faithfulness. He is loving me without wanting anything in return, no strings attached. God patiently waits for me to come to Him as He draws me in. With God there are no false motives His love is pure and genuine and its been tested over time. He is steadfast and unshakable and God loves me in the good times and in the bad. He is there for me when I am happy, mad, angry or sad. He reveals to me areas of myself I didn’t know existed and helps me to process and to heal. He brings everything into the light leaving no area untouched. He calls me His daughter, His princess, faultless and beautiful.

I want to accept and believe what God says, but then the accuser reminds me of the past and the pain of all the times I did trust someone and I was hurt. And as quick as the healing came it vanishes and I am reminded I shouldn’t and cannot trust anyone because the risk is to great. I begin to think of all the times in my past I thought this or that person would be different and yet the outcome was the same, I was hurt. I begin to believe the lie that says, “My own judgment of one’s character can never be trusted so the outcome is to trust no one, it’s safer that way.” The accuser reminds me, “The walls built in my heart were to protect me and I can never go unprotected.”  He tells me, “Nobody helped me in my past and I need to help myself.” He whispers, “Rely on no one.” He tells me, “Not to utter a word because nobody understands me, nobody has gone through this before, so safer to keep it to myself.” His lies continue,” If I dare speak a word and show weakness this will only open the door for further hurt, lest I lock the door and throw away the key, its safer this way.” In my mind the pain is easier then the healing.

This pain from my past has affected every area of my life. It has affected those closest to me the most. God has blessed me with an amazing husband of over 10 years now. He is truly a man after God’s own heart, like David. He is bold and courageous like Joshua. He has literally fought back lions to protect me, like Daniel. He has sat in piles of death, stink, mire and muck just like Jonah in the fish’s belly just to be with me. He has done so much more, all to show me His unending love and to earn my trust. He has apologized and asked for forgiveness (for many arguments I have started), more times than I can count. He loves me unconditionally and continues to lay down his life for me. But as great of a man my husband is, I still (at times) refuse to trust him. I still find myself waiting for the ball to drop, wondering when he too will hurt me, just like everyone else.

But God is greater still. He is working with me to find the root cause of my mistrust and fear and to deal with it, heal from it and learn to trust those closest to me. It is a battlefield everyday to take my thoughts captive and trust God and to trust my husband. Little by little day after day God is showing me the truth and I am experiencing healing. I am also able to distinguish between the truth and the lies of the accuser. God’s word is helping me to walk in the freedom Christ has already paid the price for, for me and for you.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NLT) says this: Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Today I admit to you my weaknesses and boast in them because I am weak but Christ is in me. Jesus is working on my weaknesses and areas of hurt and shame. He is restoring what the enemy meant to use for destruction. God is calling me to deeper waters even still and sometimes it seems safer where the pain was and easier where all the excuses are. But today I refuse to live there, I want to be healed. I want freedom. I want to trust and not fear. I want to help others experience God’s healing as well. I know I am not alone and neither are you.

If you can relate to this struggle as well, please leave a comment or email me. I would love to pray with you and for you. If for nothing else but to encourage me. Stepping out and sharing is very hard and scary. We all need to know we are in this together and we are stronger together than alone.

Luke 4:18-19 (NLT) “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.

Lord Jesus I thank you for your amazing healing power. God nothing is too big for you. Jesus thank you for your faithfulness, for your trustworthiness. God thank you for continuing to call me out to water just a little to deep so that I may always need to depend on you alone Lord. God use these weaknesses of mine and God bring beauty from ashes all for your glory in Jesus name amen.

Please click song below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-k5z8oVv64&feature=youtu.be

Dry bones

cars land

Is there life here?

 

Ezekiel 37:1-14 (NIV)

The Valley of Dry Bones

37 The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”

 

Did you notice the above picture? Does it look like life is there? To me it looks dead and dry, no life whatsoever. But only God knows right?

If we look at Ezekiel 37 we see that in verse 2-3 Ezekiel says God brought him out by the spirit and set him in the middle of the valley, full of bones. Then the Lord asked him can these bones live? Ezekiel replies that the Lord alone knows. God fully knew that the bones could live but he questioned Ezekiel as more of a questioning of his faith. Did Ezekiel truly believe God could breathe life into these dead bones?

If we continue and we look a little further into verse 4-9 and the Lord tells Ezekiel to prophesy to the bones and tell them dry bones hear the word of the Lord, I will make breath enter you and you will come to life. I will attach tendons and flesh on you and cover you with skin I will put breathe in you and you will come to life. Then Ezekiel sees the bones coming together and flesh and skin growing on the bones. He sees that even though his eyes see bones that are alive covered with flesh and tendons the bones still have no breath. So he prophesies saying, “Come from the four winds and breath into these slain that they may live.” Then all of a sudden as the breath entered them they came to life and stood up on their feet a vast army.

Many times in my life I have seen through my own eyes, a lifeless situation of dry bones, no possibility of life I can see. Then something changes and the situation may even look better but still no life, no breath in it. Just because something has the skin and tendons doesn’t mean it has life, God has to breathe life into a dead bones situation before the army can stand to their feet. Otherwise they would just be fake people, no souls taking up space, easily knocked over and defeated.

Can we look at a situation with our own eyes and discern based only on what our eyes can see and say, “These are dead bones they can’t live?” Look back at the picture at the top of this blog, is there life there based on what your eyes can see?

The picture above has lots of life in it but your eyes can’t see it. Let me explain. The picture was taken in Anaheim California, at Radiator Springs in Disneyland. If you look closely you can see seagulls all around the top of the picture. In the shadows at the bottom of the picture there is a line of people waiting for the ride. There is so much life hidden in this picture impossible to see with just our eyes and our own vantage point. I being the creator of the picture have the best viewpoint and I am able to share with you the reader the truth behind the shadows.

What if we started viewing the dead bones in our life differently? What if we said, “O Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” What if we started prophesying and speaking life into the dead bones of our life? What if we refused to believe based on what we see and we started believing based on faith, what God sees? I have quite a few dead bones situations in my life and many of them I have just cemented in my mind the lie that says that there’s no life in them. But God has begun to reveal the truth, and breathe life into what I thought was dead bones. God is showing me the truth in the shadows.

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) says:  And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

In March of last year we accepted the call of the Lord and our family moved from Wenatchee Washington to Gilbert Arizona. We had prayed about this move for over 6 years. We sold some stuff, packed up our belongings in a U-Haul and drove 1400 miles to our new home. We moved site unseen, we left all family, friends, and church to follow the Lord. We had no job and trusted the Lord to provide. After our arrival the Lord provided a job and we were thankful. After a few short months my husband resigned due to unethical practices from his boss, we’re unwilling to lie, cheat, or steal to get a sale. Our family has been unemployed since September 2015, and the Lord has provided for everything we have needed and we are thankful for his faithfulness. We are now presented with the situation of staying here or moving. During our short time here the Lord has provided much healing in our hearts and allowed relationships to start to be restored. But we believe the Lord is calling us to start a church now. I am looking at this picture and seeing only dead bones. I am consumed with doubt and fear and a headache full of questions with no answers. As we share our burdens with you, will you pray for us?

Today, will you join me? Write down your dead bones and speak life to it. Pray over them and leave the rest to God because He alone knows. Is this process easy? Nope it is very difficult but the life of Faith is a difficult one that requires believing when we don’t see it.

Please share your dead bones with us so we can pray for you.

Lord hear our prayers give us more faith. Give us the strength to believe when we can’t see. God only you alone know, give us more courage to do what your asking even when we can’t see. Lord help us to not waiver, strengthen our weak knees and breathe life into these dead bones. Show us what you see, give us your vantage point. Open our eyes to the bigger picture. Shower us with your peace and your provision in Jesus name amen.