When I am tired and struggling the most, the days seem to drag on minute by minute. I wonder will the day ever end, from the endless piles of laundry to the mountains of dishes and the tireless decision of what is on the dreaded dinner menu. Little decisions seem like climbing Mount Everest one step forward three steps back. I clean one pile of stuff only to find five others I had no idea existed. My labor seems to be in vain and even the simplest of tasks seemingly take so long to accomplish.
But yet when I look at my children I want to capture each moment and freeze it in time. I want the earth to stop spinning so I can really grasp and enjoy each moment, each laugh, each story. They seem to be growing and changing at light speed. I think to myself, when did they get a year older? When did they grow up? How did this happen so quickly and was I even present for this because I can’t seem to remember except bits and pieces of it. Even those bits of memories are only remembered after much forced brain activity. Why are they growing at such a rapid pace? I want to grab them and somehow stop them from growing up if I could. I want to shelter them from the possible heartaches that inevitably will come their way all too soon.
I find myself some days dwelling on the past and condemning myself about things I didn’t do, or things I wish I would’ve done better instead of enjoying the present day and moment I am in. Then another day, another year or two goes by literally in a blink of an eye and I am sitting here shaking my head yet again. The harder I try to hold on to things the quicker they seem to fall through my fingertips.
I seem to have a plan, a great plan thought out down to every last detail and it all works out perfectly, every time, at least in my mind. Somehow when real life happens the plan in my brain doesn’t come off the ground it gets messed up before it can grow wings to fly. Now I become a tangled mess of knots and I can’t seem to untie myself because I am still stuck in my plans and how it should’ve worked out and it didn’t.
This weekend was no different I had those plans in my mind the picture was painted the map was layed out. SCREECH….all of a sudden everything stopped and I was met with what my husband wanted to do and his needs and desires and the way he thought the weekend should look and play out. Our children also had great dreams and ideas about how this weekends events should look like and what was going to happen. But no matter how seemingly great these all were, none of these ideas had made their way into the deep recesses of my brain and my plans.
So I went along with it but in my heart I was resenting every step. I didn’t want to do this or that, I didn’t want to go there. I may have even smiled and laughed but behind the smile and the laughs were bitterness and anger because I hadn’t gotten my way, things hadn’t turned out the way I had envisioned in my mind. I was playing along nice on the outside but really harboring ill will on the inside.
From an outsider looking in as the weekend wrapped up to a close, it could have looked like a very productive weekend filled with lots of activities. In two short days, much cleaning was done, and lots of tasks were accomplished. Saturday night we even managed to squeeze in going out for dinner and then the theatre to see a movie. But inside my heart I still felt messy and all out of whack.
It was Sunday evening, we had just finished dinner and we decided to watch a movie. We picked one we hadn’t seen in a long time, the movie we decided on was Faith like Potatoes. Disclaimer, if you haven’t seen it before and you’re considering watching it with your children Parents preview it first. This is an awesome Christian movie based on a true story.
We stopped the movie before we had finished watching it as it was getting late. We put the kids to bed and off to bed I go. A little while later my husband slips into bed to tell me he had asked our eldest son if he wanted to give his heart to Jesus. Our son replied, “Dad it’s really weird you are asking me this tonight because I was going to ask you tomorrow.” My husband led both of our sons to Jesus that night. God you are amazing! Thank you Jesus! Although both of our boys had accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior years earlier they both wanted too again. The Bible is clear there is only one way to the Father and that is through Jesus Christ.
John 14:6 says:
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Asking Jesus Christ to be the Lord of our lives and to come into our hearts and repenting of our sins can be done when we are already saved as well. But its more than a prayer. It’s faith believing God sent His one and only son Jesus Christ to die for us on the cross for our sins. It’s about repentance of our sins and our need for a savior. Are we acknowledging we are sinners in need of a savior? Are we repentant of our sins? Meaning have we asked Jesus to forgive us of our sins and do we regularly keep in repentance of our sins?
An ordinary night on an ordinary weekend something miraculous took place. A weekend that in my mind was a mess. Nothing was working out the way I thought it should be. Everything was chaos and messy. God was there in His perfect timing in the messy it was God’s perfect messy. Had the weekend went the way I had envisioned, I think we might have missed out on one of the best blessings ever. What a perfect picture, my husband leading our sons to Jesus.
If you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior or maybe you do but you feel distant from Him, I invite you right now to say a prayer with me to invite Jesus into our hearts to breathe life into our weary souls. Repeat after me…
I am a sinner and I need you to save me by your grace. I believe you died on the cross for me and your blood covers my sins. I ask you to come into my life and be my Lord and Savior. Please forgive me of my sins and wash me clean by your blood shed on the cross for me. Help me to live each day for you and for you alone, empty me of myself and fill me of you. I give you my life. In Jesus name amen.
Welcome to the family of believers whether you have been here for a long time or a short time doesn’t matter, we’re glad you’re here. Can I share some words with you if this is something new for you….
First thing…your life is never going to be the same. Start reading your Bible if you don’t have one, email me we will get you one.
Second thing…you will never experience anything so hard and rewarding at the same time EVER!!! Join a church you’ll see what I mean a whole house full of sinners…
Third and most important…you’re not alone don’t give up no matter how hard it gets. Keep going, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other because God is always and forever FAITHFUL.